New Directions for the Palo Alto Concours d'Elegance (April 1, 2001)

AN APRIL FOOL'S CONCOURS! Are you a Fool for April? I am! I'm right in their with Chaucer and ready to do just about anything! So how about it if we kind of got together and designed an April Fool's Concours? You know, the things car people only tell their shrinks. The real motivation for motor mania. No snoot, no stodge - something that ordinary folk can really get enthusiastic about. What da ya say? Send me your ideas. Send me whole web sites! Think Big! Today at a press conference held at the Palo Alto office of the Concours d'Elegance, Gil Gilfix, Director of the Concours and a well known promoter of auto happenings, announced that he was "taking the Concours d'Elegance in radically new directions in order to secure a greater share of the auto entertainment market in the 21st Century." To this end, he unveiled three highly innovative programs that will debut at the 34th Concours d'Elegance, the automotive extravaganza scheduled for March 31st and April 1st on the Stanford Sports Fields: In cooperation with Car Talk, Concours presents THE GREAT MILLENIUM BASH-IN. Concours supporters will have the opportunity to destroy the first place winners in a new class of show cars: Worst Cars of the Last Millennium. In cooperation with the Auto Hall of Fame in Detroit, MI, the Royal Society of Carriages, in London, England, and Hiashi Simulators, Inc., of Tokyo, Japan, the Concours will put on a gala display and tour of fabled autos. Hummer and Mercedes will go head to head at the Mellenium Monster Mall in Stanford Stadium in a last vehicle rolling match called by Jessie "The Body" Ventura.

1st Place The Yugo 2nd Place Chevy Vega 3rd Place Ford Pinto 4th Place AMC Gremlin 5th Place Chevy Chevette	Building on the innovative work of Car Talk, who just completed a survey of 50,000 car owners to determine The Ten Worst Cars of The Millenium, Gilfix announced that this year's Concours would open a judged class for each of the top five categories, pictured here on the left. Tom and Ray, the famous Click and Clack Brothers, have signed on to come and judge the entries and will host a pre-judging party, THE BASH AT THE BASH, on the afternoon of Saturday, June 24th, where entrants will be encouraged to bare their souls and vent their spleen. On Judgement Day, Sunday, April 1st, the public will be invited to participate in five silent auctions, one for each of the five worst car classes. The five top bidders in each class will be issued large wooden mallets, like those used in carnivals, and encouraged to bash away to their harts content on the vehicle in their class which receives the first place ribbon. Asked why five cars were being destroyed in this unusual fashion, Gilfix said "the results of three focus groups suggest that members of the public attending the Concours are most likely to enter the bidding if they get the chance to take a bit of sweet revenge on the specific model of car which had caused them some real psychological pain." When asked if car owners were prepared to enter their cars knowing that the winning entries would be destroyed, Gilfix indicated that several would-be participants had expressed a keen interest in making charitable donations of their cars for this purpose. "In fact," he added, "we are going to allow the owners of winning cars to participate in their destruction as an additional incentive to prospective entrants."

Original 1967 Batmobile Mad Max's Interceptor The Black Moon Bond's Lotus Espirit Green Hornet's Black Beauty Kinght Riders' K.I.T.T. The General	In yet another innovative development, Gilfix announced a special exhibit of celebrity and fantasy cars, together with the American debut of the Spectrum Seven, a fantasy car and road simulator developed by Hiashi of Tokyo. Some of the cars being displayed through the generosity of the Auto Hall of Fame in Detroit can be seen on the left. In addition, the Royal Society of Carriages in London, will be participating with some of Britain's finest, including a fully appointed royal Bentley, complete with footman, and the James Bond submersible spy car. Gilfix revealed that there would be a total of 18 celebrity autos and that most would participate in The Drive as well as the Concours proper. On the morning of Saturday, from 9:00 AM to 11:00 AM, all the cars will be on display at the Stanford Shopping Center. At 11:00 AM, they would proceed through downtown Palo Alto, joining the main Jaguar contingent of The Drive at the picnic lunch and accompanying them on the afternoon segment of The Drive. Virtual Racing - Adding considerable spice to this year's Concours, Hiashi of Tokyo will be unveiling two new state-of-the-art simulators. One group of three simulators will be programmed to simulate a number of the celebrity cars on display at the show. Just imagine yourself as Bruce Lee playing Kato and driving the Green Hornet's Black Beauty through a noir cityscape created by the architect I.M Pai! Or as Batman navigating the mutable landscape of the Joker's virtual reality realm! Or Mad Max in a death defying sprint across a post apocalyptic Out Back! Hiashi's second contribution is a networked set of five simulators designed for competitive racing in a variety of futuristic venues. To commemorate the inclusion of Japanese Micros as a judged category at Concours, Hiashi has programmed its simulators to allow participants 15 minutes to customize their own Japanese Micros with every modification currently available in the marketplace in California and Japan -- everything from power train enhancements to custom exteriors. After constructing their dream machines, participants will race them over one of seven 30 minute courses The winners of the first six contests will then race one another over the seventh and most difficult course. The winner of this race will be presented by Hiashi with the Japanese Micro he customized for the race at a ceremony at next April's Concours. The 30 contestants will bid for the opportunity to participate, the proceeds going to charity.

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See UNIMOG & HUMMER, the Testosterini of SUVs, go head to head in a demolition derby held in the Stanford Stadium! Watch as these monsters warm up by setting upon the runner ups to the Worst Makes of the Millenium contest! Which will rack up the most kills? Which fall prey to the other? Color by Jesse 'The Body' Ventura.


Asked if The Drive on March 31st was open to cars other than Jaguars and celebrity vehicles, Gilfix said that all cars being judged in the Concours were welcome to participate. Did this include the ten worst cars of the millennium? "Yes," responded Gilfix, "after all, the Yugo is at least as reliable a road vehicle as the Jaguar."

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